


My R

by Saky



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Depression, F/M, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Protective Magnus Bane, References to Depression, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Warlock Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28955361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saky/pseuds/Saky
Summary: the story is inspired by the English version of My R of rachieAlec is on the roof of the institute when he notices something unusual.read the tag, presence of suicidal thoughts, self-harm
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 18





	My R

The city was quiet, as quiet as New York can be on autumn evenings: the light wind moved the leaves along the semi-deserted streets while some taxis followed random routes in search of some customers. Nothing exciting but for Alexander Gideon Lightwood it was an incredibly interesting sight, he had been standing there, watching those streets for hours now.

He had gone to the roof of the Institute to train and he had done so, for four hours he had shot arrows at the poor defenseless wall, then the pain in his hand brought him back to reality.

Magnus had repeatedly stressed how unhealthy his training was.

Magnus…. He was waiting for him in the loft. Alec sighed as he took another look at the taxi parked in the distance. The blood on his hand was still fresh.

-You can't go to Magnus like that- said the little voice in his head. -Stupid, little, pathetic! Magnus is the example of perfection but you keep him nailed to the ground with your shit.-

Alec took a deep breath as his eyes moistened

_Just as I was about to take my shoes_

_Off of the rooftop there I see_

Then a noise brought him back to the present. On the other side of the roof there was a little girl, she must have been about sixteen, Alec thanked his rune for not being visible to the young black-haired girl. The girl didn't seem to notice anything, she walked straight to the edge of the roof and looked down.

_A girl with braided hair there before me_

In seconds he understood and did the only thing that came to mind.

_Despite myself I go and scream;_

_"Hey! Don't do it, please"_

_Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?_

_I couldn't care less either way_

_To be honest I was somewhat pissed;_

_This was an opportunity missed_

"Stop!" The girl turned and Alec saw that her eyes were red, she had been crying and a lot.

"Go away," she said in a cracked voice. "I was there first.-

"You don't want to do that." Alec took small steps, pondered every movement, the raven trembled and only then did Alec realize that he was wearing only a light shirt and cotton pants.

“You must be cold. Come on, I'll take you warm "

-NO!-

_The girl with braided hair told me her woes_

_"You've probably heard it all before;_

_I really thought that he may be the one_

_But then he told me he was done”_

-I can not go home, ok? - the tears began to flow down his cheeks.

“Your parents will be worried. Your friends…"

-Stop preaching to me! - she shouted - you're here too- the girl took a deep breath.

"He left me," he said in a whisper. -I did everything but I wasn't enough.

_For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe_

_That for some stupid reason you got here before me_

"This is the reason?"

_Are you upset 'cause you can't have what you wanted?_

_You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!_

Alec watched the girl as she crying and poured out the story of her unrequited love on him.

"This guy…." He began to say when the raven finished his story. "Either he's an idiot or an asshole." Alec did not even know how he ended up sitting with his back to the wall that marked the edge of the roof, he was a few steps from the girl and he heard her laugh.

“You will find someone you will be enough for. I know it is. "

_"I'm feeling better thank you for listening!"_

_The girl with braided hair then disappeared_

Alec smiled as he dialed his magical boyfriend's number.

Today was a day to forget: he had a fight with Magnus, Jace had almost had his throat cut by a demon Shax and then his mother had also arrived. The great Maryse Lightwood in all her glory, ready to criticize even the color of her son's socks.

_"Alright, today's the day" or so I thought_

_Just as I took both of my shoes off_

So Alec did the only thing that came to mind: go to the roof. He wanted some privacy but fate had other plans.

_There was but a girl short as can be_

_Despite myself, I go and scream_

There was a child on the edge of the roof, his blue skin stood out in the midst of the reddish color of the sunset.

A warlock? What was he doing there? Alec could make out small white horns in the middle of her blue curls. This was not the time to dwell on the details, there was a child on the edge of a roof.

"What are you doing ?! Get off there! "He approached quickly, however, trying not to scare the little one. The young warlock looked at him, pausing to stare at the devia rune on his neck.

"I do not want to hurt you. Why don't we get off? "

-To do what? -

_The petite girl told me her woes_

_"You've probably heard it all before;_

Alec bit his tongue, he could say "I'll take you home" but he knew that many warlocks were abandoned as children. Yet this little blue-skinned guy didn't seem to be left to fend for himself: his clothes were crumpled but not ruined, he had no signs of malnutrition or anything.

That child had a family, someone who had raised him.

_Everyone ignores me, everyone steals_

_I don't fit in with anyone here. "_

"I can't go home," he said as if he had read her thoughts. -I only create problems. My parents, my brother ... will have an easier life-

"Don't you dare say it!" Alec didn't believe the force with which his voice came out.

_For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe_

_That for some stupid reason you got here before me_

“Is the problem being a warlock? Be different? "

_'Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home!_

_There's always dinner waiting at the table, you know?_

"You have a family that loves and supports you, don't jump to conclusions just because you think they'd be better off without you!"

_"I'm hungry" said the girl as she shed a tear_

_The girl short as can be then disappeared_

-You talk a lot, don't you? - the boy laughed.

-You know I'm hungry, can you buy me an ice cream, Alec? -

_And like that, there was someone every day_

_I listened to their tale, I made them turn away_

_And yet there was no one who would do this for me_

_No way I could let out all this pain_

Why was he there? He didn't even know. Nothing had happened that day that could make him go up to the roof ... yet he was there.

Alec was not even surprised when he saw someone on the ledge, he was ready to see shaking shoulders but instead he found himself in front of a tired and pale face.

_For the very first time, there I see_

_Someone with the same pains as me_

_Having done this time and time again_

_She wore a yellow cardigan_

Alec looked like a broken record as the young man's steady gaze fixed him.

_"I just wanna stop the scars that grow_

_Everytime that I go home_

_That's why I came up here instead "_

_That's what the girl in the cardigan said_

He was out of breath as he stared at the lines on the bare arms of the young man in front of him, red, white lines, some old, some too new.

_Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?_

_I couldn't care less either way_

_But in the moment I just screamed_

_Something that I did not believe_

_"Hey! Don't do it, please."_

"Please don't." Alec didn't understand why the sight disturbed him so much. Then he understood.

It was enough to look at his face to understand that he did not want help, the boy had decided. But Alec couldn't stand the sight.

_Agh- what to do !? I can't stop this girl, oh this is new!_

_For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew_

_But even so, please just go away so I can't see_

_Your pitiful expression is just too much for me!_

And so for the first time Alexander fell with a thud as tears fell from his eyes.

_"I guess today is just not my day"_

_She looked away from me and then she disappeared_

-Today is not my day, is it? - the boy passed him and disappeared.

_There's no one here today, I guess it's time_

_It's just me, myself and I_

_There's no one who can interfere_

_No one to get in my way here_

Silence fell and

_Taking off my yellow cardigan_

even he didn't understand how or why

_Watching my braids all come undone_

he found himself on the ledge and

_This petite girl short as can be_

"Alexander?" That splendid and warm voice broke all the silence, Alec didn't even turn around, he waited for those soft arms to wrap him, losing himself in his warmth.

_Is gonna jump now and be free_

**_"Let's go home, honey."_ **


End file.
